30 and 1/3

A third of the way through my 30th year and I am starting to feel the changes in me that may form the basis of who I am come my next evolution. With that, I see changes in the people I thought would almost certianly be a part of my life. There is irony in the fact that the very changes they have told me I need to make appear to be what they take issue with.

They seem unable to understand that when they tell me I need to stop being everything to everyone, that also includes them. When they tell me I need to do more for myself it means I will be able to do less for them too. When they say I need to start living my life more for me I can’t live for them. When they want to know what is happening in my life, that can’t just be the good and the exciting parts. Sometimes being able to have an ordinary day can be extraordinary. I exist in the breaths between the moments too.

Telling me they want me to be more, but angry that I am no longer who I am. I have no chance of winning this game and I am unwilling to play it anymore. Tomorrow is promised to no one. Those words branded where they cannot be forgotten. Once upon a time it meant that I would forgive anything, life was too short. More and more it means that I will not make apologies for other’s behaviour. I am tired of being the only one who will admit they’re wrong. I am done with being the only one who is told they need to change.

I am what I am. I will be more to you if you let me, but I will not be less.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “30 and 1/3

  1. “The dream you are living is your creation. It is your perception of reality that you can change at any time”
    – The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

    This is one of my most favourite quotes. And I believe in it wholeheartedly. Its important to look after number 1. Great friends will watch and sit back to see what the world has in store for you, knowing you will always be there spiritually and in your heart. We all know how much love you always give. But do what you have to do to please yourself most importantly. Your happiness is our happiness Gem. Go write your own story =).

    Love u Gem! *huggas*

    • Gem

      *HUGGA MONSTER*

      You’re right, it seems to be what everyone is telling me – if in their own way. The way that doesn’t feel like I’m getting hit over the head with it seems to be working more lol.

      Love you too Char-Char!

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