Monthly Archives: August 2010

30 and 1/3

A third of the way through my 30th year and I am starting to feel the changes in me that may form the basis of who I am come my next evolution. With that, I see changes in the people I thought would almost certianly be a part of my life. There is irony in the fact that the very changes they have told me I need to make appear to be what they take issue with.

They seem unable to understand that when they tell me I need to stop being everything to everyone, that also includes them. When they tell me I need to do more for myself it means I will be able to do less for them too. When they say I need to start living my life more for me I can’t live for them. When they want to know what is happening in my life, that can’t just be the good and the exciting parts. Sometimes being able to have an ordinary day can be extraordinary. I exist in the breaths between the moments too.

Telling me they want me to be more, but angry that I am no longer who I am. I have no chance of winning this game and I am unwilling to play it anymore. Tomorrow is promised to no one. Those words branded where they cannot be forgotten. Once upon a time it meant that I would forgive anything, life was too short. More and more it means that I will not make apologies for other’s behaviour. I am tired of being the only one who will admit they’re wrong. I am done with being the only one who is told they need to change.

I am what I am. I will be more to you if you let me, but I will not be less.

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