Every day. Every day at least some words. Always something. Random questions and continued conversations. I kept you company as you went about your day, I revelled in your exploits and listened to your stories. A morning greeting. A night-time wish for sweet dreams. The last person you’d speak to so many nights and my first on just as many mornings. Except today.
With no more words than necessary you tell me that you don’t ever want to be without me in your life. All those moments lost, there can’t be any more. I hear the request beneath the words but I know myself, I know you better. I would never break a promise, so to you I would never make one. Instead I tell you all that I can, I need you in my life. As long as I know that to be true then I know I will keep you. Your words have troubled me for some time. You don’t ever want to be without me, but every other word you say tells me that you don’t know me. That me you do know, directly opposed to everything you are.
I ask you why you choose to keep me in your life. You tell me you don’t know. I don’t know why either, but I know there should be a reason. I will make no apologies for who I am. Not for you or for anyone. I have been shown that the very best of people choose to keep me, not inspite of who they think me to be but because of who they know me to be. Even if I doubt myself when I’m with you, I do not doubt them. Because they are in my life I know you are lucky to have me in yours. When I am blessed with them, that I choose you, speaks more of how I feel for you than any of my words could ever do. If only you thought enough of me to feel even a fraction of the same.
Eighty-two. Today the first of how many? No longer sure of the truth of my reasoning. No longer sure if I can stay.