Feeling so much more of everything. Channeling the characters I have come to know through the pages, I imagine myself invincible. Able to leap tall buildings and run at incredible speeds. I move differently. Positioning myself between those I need to protect and the perceived danger, the need to defend is overwhelming, as though I could in any way stop it. Standing still, statue like, watching each movement. Contemplating the next move.
I find myself strangely thankful I am not extraordinary when I feel myself this way. How I’d over-react at the slightest provocation. Fly halfway round the world just to make sure they were safe. Smash my fist through a wall when the mark was overstepped. Self-combust as I tried to hold the anger in. I cause myself enough trouble without the super powers.
I’m worrying too much about things I cannot control. I feel myself slipping back though there are hands holding on to me to make sure that I don’t. I find myself searching for that one voice who I know could save me completely, and I resent myself for making them that. For placing that burden on them when they have already done so much, for allowing this part of me to surface again.
Still, that one sure action I know would signify I’d lost too much. Still I resist that. Still that something keeps me in check. I know not to do that. No matter how much I feel, no matter how much I wonder. Shivers. I still get those shivers. There are just some things you can never return to.